Posted by : Silent Blade
Date : 31/12/09
Subject : Dear John

Heard two funny away days stories involving a Blade called John who now lives in Motherwell (he lived in Sheffield until the late 1970s). In April 1975 (I was at boarding school and unable to go to the game) we were due to play our last match of the season at Birmingham. We all thought that a win would clinch a place for us in the following season's UEFA Cup

John decided to drive to the match, taking his friend, Frank along. On the way John pulled up on the hard shoulder on the M1 and told Frank that he needed a wee. Frank told him that it wasn’t wise to do it on the hard shoulder and the police would charge him if they caught him. John shrugged his shoulders (Frank thinks John had been on a drinking session that afternoon) and unzipped his fly and while he was having a pee, to Frank's horror he saw a number of siren lights flashing getting nearer to the car. It was a police motorcycle convoy escorting a car that had the Queen Mother in it! The police would have seen what John was doing but had to stick to escorting the car rather than pulling over to the hard shoulder. John wasn’t aware of his lucky escape until Frank had told him

In May 1990 John drove down to Blackburn intending to watch our penultimate match of the season (we needed a win to clinch promotion to the old 1st division). On arrival (about two hours before kick off) he discovered that the match is all ticket and not having purchased a ticket he walked round Ewood Park thinking of a way to get into the ground. He then spotted an ITV camera crew about to get into the players entrance and the stewards were allowing them through so John casually followed the camera crew and the stewards thought he was part of the crew and allowed John in!

Posted by : Mattbianco1
Date : 19/02/10
Subject : Ice cream van

My father-in-law said he once went to Darlington and their was a car full of blades driving up the A1 and there was a 6th person on the roof holding onto the roof rack!!

Another is (can't remember who he said we were playing) they overtook an Ice Cream van on the motorway, it's chimes were playing and inside were loads of blades all eating lollys and ice creams.

Posted by : SouthEssexBlade
Date : 19/02/10
Subject : A Gentleman Blade

The Blade on the roof story is definitely correct, I was in a car overtaking it

Same journey, driving up the A1 (old man driving, me as front passenger) stuck behind a luton van/lorry. Whilst we were trying to overtake it, the back shutter went up and about 6 gorillas all with red and white scarves round necks started doing some bizarre mating jig....nearly crashed!

On arriving at Darlington, parked near the entrance to some public park. As we were loading out the car, a woman pulled up in front and got 3 or 4 yapping dogs out the back and headed off to the park entrance. Coming the other way out of the park were a group of Blades in fancy dress. One in an Elizabethan costume noticed the path into the park had a puddle on it, ran up to the woman, took off his cloak, laid it across the puddle with a flourishing bow, 'allow me, your majesty' Poor woman just scarpered!

Posted by : Nick Jansky
Date : 22/02/10
Subject : Captain Blades head!

My favourite was at Wembley for the play off final with Palace. BIFA were charged with dishing out balloons & flags (the stewards wouldn't let the flags in), and we had to report to the team coach in the Wembley car park to collect them. Nobody from the club was there to meet us, just the coach driver, who opened the boot & told us to help ourselves. We did - including Captain Blades' head.

One of our number, who shall remain nameless but is well known & a very big lad, paraded around Wembley Way with Captain Blades head on, posing for photos with kids & all sorts of general preening & cavorting. The TV cameras homed in on him, for the pre match atmosphere shots. The Blades official party were having a few drinks in a nearby hotel, when somebody apparently glanced at the TV in the bar & said to the real Captain Blade "Look!!! There's somebody wearing your head!!"

A party was despatched to track us down but it was too late, we had gone into the ground & the head was stashed under our seats.

Shortly before the teams came out there was a tannoy announcement for the Sheffield United mascot to report to the tunnel area, so our hero approached a steward & asked if he could be escorted there. The steward wouldn't take him, but showed him where to go. Unfortunately, he got the directions wrong, went through the wrong door & ended up in a bar full of Palace fans who proceeded to pelt him with plastic beer glasses. He beat a retreat back to his seat.

A few days later the club made it known that they were very upset about the loss of the head. Late one night a car pulled up on Cherry Street, the head was deposited outside reception, and the car sped off...... but not before photos were taken of various Blades of different shapes & sizes sat in a back garden wearing it.

A while later there was a documentary on TV about mascots, and the real Captain Blade was interviewed. He said that mascots are no different to players, they all aspire to appear at Wembley, and the biggest regret of his life was that what should have been the biggest day of his life was ruined because somebody had taken his head.

Posted by : judge
Date : 22/02/10
Subject : "Don't show me up woman"

Funniest story on an away day i know is when I went to palace end of season a few years ago and one of the lads used to travel with his mum and dad as well as his brother.

We stopped off at Covent garden and had a skin full ,as you do and then proceeded onto Croydon on the inner city train ,well the lads dad decided he was desperate for a slash so they took him in between the carriages (ooh-err) and surrounded him while he filled up a freezer bag full of the afternoons drinking.

Well done I thought, until he tried to empty said bag out of the train window and poured it all over himself (cue much laughter from rest of train ). The funniest bit was he took his p*ss soaked jumper off and passed it to his wife to put it in her handbag ,shocked by her refusal he uttered the immortal words "don’t show me up woman ".

Posted by : Ironbar
Date : 22/02/10
Subject : Travels with Shred

Both Goody and myself have travelled with Shred over many thousands of miles over too many years I care to mention. Shred started his expertise in transporting Blades by travelling as one of Goodison’s Gorillas travelling Inter-City Like the Men do Percil tickets and all that.

Bill Burke got a mention some posts ago but people forget about Colin BURKE RIP. The original gay Blade who worked on the railways, Colin worked out the timetables for Goody to work to. I first came across our CHIEF Shred he appeared in the film " One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest ". At a pre season friendly in Holland I seem to think Shred was about 14 at the time and his hair hasn't grown an inch since.

The guy is a legend in his own lifetime, some of the best stories must come from the old 4th Div travelling days, we had our own bus the A.I.M. true name Ale in Motion. It was a 36 seater with toilet ,card table ,sink, fridge etc and the same CREW travelling every game. Every member of the Crew brought a special package to the trips Black pudding, Wine Gums, mums home made cake ,pork pie but not forgetting the full assortment of Ales,Wines and Spirits. We had on board a plastic Firkin 9 gall barrel with the said liquid gifts put into it and an array of drinking utensils.

Needless to say the Darlington trip springs to mind, every one on the bus in fancy dress including the driver dressed as an Arab Sheik myself as the first and original Father Christmas. Forget the dozen or so at Bristol City and the many more since I made the national press doing cart wheels across the pitch prior to the game starring along with Pancho Villa,Batman & Robin and an array of very drunken Blademen stopping off at Wakefield on the way home where Robin Hood got arrested for shooting a female copper with a rubber ended arrow from his bow, while one of the lads was doing a hand stand on a bar stool naked, he still can’t perform that act sober to this day HO HAPPY DAYS.